I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize