oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
