This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
