I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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