Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize