pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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