shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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