Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's blow job season.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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