I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
