Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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