i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
