Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
