There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
