she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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