Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
