the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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