She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
