yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
