I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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