It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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