did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
