i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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