i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
