i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
