nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
