They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
