she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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