Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
