you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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