I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
