Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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