fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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