I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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