I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
