either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
