You can't motorboat a personality
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize