dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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