Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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