Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
