how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
