You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
3pm strippers are depressing
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
