All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
