you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
