We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
