This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Buhtt sex?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
