Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
