Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
