WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
