Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize