Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
