My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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