i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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