Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
