Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
