He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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