garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
