peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
