How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
