my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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