Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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