I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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