A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
