you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I love you. Go after that dick
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
