Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
