Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
