shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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