Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
