you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
