I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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