i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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