Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
