Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
