two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
