Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
