I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
