my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
