I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
