my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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