I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize