I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
