Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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