Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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