she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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