i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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